Oh uh... You Don't Want to Sit on That Stool...

So i'm sitting here, innocently at my dad's computer (it's running faster than mine and thus keeping me fitter) when curiosity gets the better of me and I see two paintbrushes. "Excellent!" I think as my teacher has told me that i'll be needing some for hand toning prints tomorrow at Uni. There are also two bright blue plastic bags underneath them. "What could they be for? Oh look, a set of instructions..."

Real all instructions before beginning:

SAMPLE 1 - Your first bowel movement

1- Take these instructions, Brush kit and Test Card into the bathroom.
Flush the toilet BEFORE your bowel movement.

2- After your bowel movement .DO NOT PLACED USED TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET BOWL. Instead use one of the BLUE waste bags from the Brush kit envelope. DO NOT FLUSH THE TOILET.

3- Life the flap marked "life here for SAMPLE 1" on the test Card to uncover the small white square marked "SAMPLE 1"

4- Using one of the blue brushes swirl the brush in the toilet water around and above the stool.

5- Transfer the toilet WATER sample by placing the bristles of the brush on to the small white square on the Test Card and hold for 5 seconds.
DO NOT place any faeces on the Test card.

6- Close the flap back over SAMPLE 1 and stick it down using one of the barcode labels located on theback of this page. Throw the used blue brush in the bin.

SAMPLE 2- Your second sample must be from a different bowel movement.

"and soo.. do I repeat the first 6 steps??"



I wish you could see the picture for number four. Also, I wonder how many times someone's stuck the brush in the water and gone "aw shit. I got shit in it."
Would they go to the bathroom and clean it and come back? Would they smear that white square with poo and be done with it?

So many questions...


But it's for bowel cancer sooo. GOOD ON ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO I WILL NOT MENTION.

Burning the House Down

So once again it has been a while, actually that's a lie, it hasn't been that long.

Starting again!

Nothing exciting ever happens at my house. Except for dinner. Because that's always exciting. And it seems that it was even more so last night. Pyrotechnics dare I say, would be proud of my mum's performance.

I went to hockey for a whole hour and come back to find mum running her arm under the tap in the kitchen and muttering something about going to the hospital to get it checked out.

Before I could even ask what happened mum starts raving about how she plugged in the gas, turned it on and POOF a raging inferno engulfs the BBQ.
My brother avoiding all kitchen contact (besides eating) was sitting in his room with his new noise canceling headphones on and thought to himself as he heard muffled screams "gee Mum is yelling unusually loudly... I thought I already put the dishes away?" However, being the mamma's boy he is, ventured to the kitchen to find mum battling flames.

Now we have three hoses situated around the house - One is in the front garden, one is near the back door, and one is next to the courtyard where the BBQ is.
Harry chose to get the one in the front garden.

Kidding.

But he did get the one near the backdoor and ran all the way around the house to discover the courtyard one.

After successfully dousing the flames 000 was called and not one, but TWO fire engines turned up with not two,but SIX "quite attractive" (quoted from mum) firemen.
Mum realised that the chicken drumsticks headed for the BBQ were not going to be cooking there and put them in the oven.

Dad got home from work and was thinking that it was the neighbors.

And then I got home and found that I'd missed the whole thing.



But the best part about it all - Dinner was still served on time.