Catering for Idiots

Here are a few things i've noticed working in hospitality.

1) People asking me what kind of wine it is i'm serving and me on occasion making it up. But generally no one is a connoisseur and I get away with it.

Client: "What red is this?"

Me: "uh.. Pinot Noir?"

Client: "Oh that's my favourite!"

2) People who ask what kind of canapes you're serving when you know they're going to eat it anyway.

3) People, more specifically women who go "oh I couldn't possibly eat that!" yet they're desperately trying to contain their salivating tongue, their eyes can't break contact from the shiny tray and they shove their hands in their pockets/purses/behind their backs as they twitch, craving that tasty tasty deep fried spring roll. (This generally happens in a large group of females and/or one female in large group of males. )

JUST EAT THE DAMN THING.

4) People ordering coffee. Now we all know there are a range of coffees to choose from. For example, I am quite partial to a cappuccino.

But when this happens:

Me: Would you like a tea of coffee?

Client: Coffee.

Me: What kind of coffee?

Client: *slightly annoyed* Coffee.

Me: *also slightly annoyed* Yes, but what kind of coffee would you like Madam??

Client: Oh uh. Flat white.

You make me angry.

Now all these are pretty standard observations but what I don't understand is how this happens.

5) A lady approaches me while I have a tray full of red and white wine. As she grabs a white wine and is lifting it off my tray she asks "Is this white wine?"

You Know What Sexy Undies Mean...

So uh, i went and bought new undies today. Quite nice ones because they were 25% off. However Myer has recently been undergoing some renovation which somehow translates to being short of staff. Anyway the counter at the deepest darkest corner of the lower floor lingerie was empty so I ventured into the bedding section's one. No one there either until I see a huge nest of hair bobbing my way saying "i'll be there in a second!"
All of a sudden some guy (who also seemed to work there) comes rushing past her and towards me. Now the good thing was that I was going to be able to pay and go do something better with my time but at the same time this rather unfortunately blotchy faced man (no, it wasn't a birth mark if you're thinking i'm being unnecessarily rude) is handling said undies.

And all the while i'm thinking to myself - if i'm thinking about him thinking about wearing these... What the hell must he be thinking?!

Miaow

As I scanned over my screen at all the tabs I have open and the bookmarks I have to bookmark I came back to this, sweet blog. And found that there was shite all over the front of it.

So clean up starts with a new post.

It was semi officially the first day of my sweeet sweet six weeks of holidays yesterday. I had to get up early to umpire for a hockey mate but when i arrived to the oval of half frozen grass and scattered goal posts, it was barren.. of everyone. I went home and found that there were no hockey matches for the June Long Weekend. So being cold outside and the bed and couch being both equally comfy and warm, I found myself going from one to the other to nap. For the rest of the day. My cat also joined me on the couch - I was the big spoon.