Catering for Idiots

Here are a few things i've noticed working in hospitality.

1) People asking me what kind of wine it is i'm serving and me on occasion making it up. But generally no one is a connoisseur and I get away with it.

Client: "What red is this?"

Me: "uh.. Pinot Noir?"

Client: "Oh that's my favourite!"

2) People who ask what kind of canapes you're serving when you know they're going to eat it anyway.

3) People, more specifically women who go "oh I couldn't possibly eat that!" yet they're desperately trying to contain their salivating tongue, their eyes can't break contact from the shiny tray and they shove their hands in their pockets/purses/behind their backs as they twitch, craving that tasty tasty deep fried spring roll. (This generally happens in a large group of females and/or one female in large group of males. )

JUST EAT THE DAMN THING.

4) People ordering coffee. Now we all know there are a range of coffees to choose from. For example, I am quite partial to a cappuccino.

But when this happens:

Me: Would you like a tea of coffee?

Client: Coffee.

Me: What kind of coffee?

Client: *slightly annoyed* Coffee.

Me: *also slightly annoyed* Yes, but what kind of coffee would you like Madam??

Client: Oh uh. Flat white.

You make me angry.

Now all these are pretty standard observations but what I don't understand is how this happens.

5) A lady approaches me while I have a tray full of red and white wine. As she grabs a white wine and is lifting it off my tray she asks "Is this white wine?"